In October 2012, I attended an event and it completely transformed my life. I remember being in the back row with a few of my colleagues from work. I was there for professional development, to gain tools to manage compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma and self-care. I was an Outreach Counsellor at the time for young mothers and I wanted to be the best I could because they were so deserving and worthy of having a Counsellor who was engaged, energetic and passionate.
It was early morning on the second day and all was well but I could feel this intense rush of emotions. It was like a champagne bottle ready to explode. BAM! I ‘hit my stuff’ and all my emotional baggage was right at the surface. I left the room quietly and ran to the bathroom. In that moment, my whole life was flashing right before me. It was like I was watching a new movie of my life and it felt so freeing and incredibly sad at the same time. I cried, and when I say cried I mean like the ugliest cry from deepest point of my soul. It was like in that moment every wall I had ever built was tumbling down and I didn’t know if I should feel scared or calm.
After a few minutes I was able to calm down and bring myself back to the room. The trainer called me to the front of the room on break to check in and well that’s another story!
It wasn’t for a few years later when I could finally find the words to describe my experience of “hitting my stuff”. It was like an awakening to my own self-worth, my inner potential and my own ability to love myself. That moment is so vivid in my mind because that was the moment I remember feeling ‘hope’. These trainers were standing up there showing me a new way of thinking and living a life without the intense fear, pain and scarcity. That was worth everything to me. There was something inside me screaming “YES” but at the same time it felt terrifying and I wanted to run.
My entire world transformed in that moment, I began to see the walls I built to keep myself safe from the hurt and pain. I had experienced plenty of traumas in my life and I thought I was doing the ‘right thing’ by always planning for the worse case scenario and then the next worse case. The negative self-talk and worse case scenario thinking were keeping me safe and prepared, at least that’s what I thought. I didn’t even notice that I was actually keeping myself inside the walls of my own pain.
This event on January 17th is an opportunity for me to share with you the hope and power I felt that Sunday in October 2012. It was my first step of many that I chose to take every day to empower myself to see the good, to feel the joy and to choose love instead of fear every time.
The Secrets of Abundance event purchase tickets here Early Bird tickets
My heart to your love and light.